Who's on first?

Why am I crying so much?? It's worse than when I saw Toy Story 3, at least then I knew why I was crying. Andy's going off to college, we watched that kid grow up, hard to handle. But, this is hardly college, this is turning one. That's it. I've known for an entire year this day would come, it's not sad. It's exciting, but it's still hard. We went through so much with Kaylee to even get to the "baby stage" that now that it is coming to an end, I know I'm going to miss so much. At the same time I love what the future holds. Kaylee is starting to walk, she loves talking, she loves to sing. Will she be a singer like her sister? Or wise beyond years like her brother? Or will she forge her own path? I'm leaning towards a combo platter. When Kaylee was little I found myself emotional most days. Not sadness, but just an overwhelming joy of what we have. She just brings so much joy, there's no way to put it. There are moments when I will look at her and just "breath her in." I love watching how she makes Jonah smile and how Abby sings her to sleep. The look on Kenny's eyes when she reaches for him as he walks through the door, erases the hurt from a long day. She has changed this family, made us complete. I was so afraid of having a third, afraid I would mess up our perfect one boy/one girl life. Little did I know just how much we needed her.

The other day during one of her "taking three steps in a row" feats, I caught a glimpse of her scar. It's not something I focus on often. In fact, I hardly even notice it. Kaylee is pretty fair skinned (sorry kiddo, you didn't get your daddy's pigment) and has a little tummy to boot, so the scar is not easily noticed. But I saw it and stopped dead in my tracks. I am grateful for that scar. Grateful that it gave me my perfect little girl and her perfect chance at life. And, I'm so grateful that it feels like a distant memory. That this is not something we deal with on a day to day basis. She is healthy. She is thriving. She is growing. She doesn't know she only has one kidney, it's not stopping her. God is amazing. He knew this family needed Kaylee.

I can't believe it's been a year, time to move on. No more bottles or nursing. No more 3 am feedings or 'blowouts' at the worst time (you mommies no what I'm talking about) No more ridiculously cute shoes that serve absolutely no purpose, now they will. No more jar food, this girl likes to go at it with both hands. I know I'll miss those things, but I can't wait for what the future holds. I can't wait to eves drop on late night conversations her and her brother and sister. Or watch her try to catch the drips of an ice cream cone on a summer's day.
Happy First Birthday kiddo.. so many more 'firsts' to come.

Enjoy them all!

Love mommy!



For some reason, this didn't post yesterday. For those keeping score, Kaylee's birthday is the 25th.